My most obvious problem is that I lose focus and tend to get lost in the present. Great spiritual leaders have said in the past that living in the present is what the most spiritually evolved person would do. Well, I think I rather exploit the trm. I do not live in the present. Rather, I drift. I drift in a sort of monotony which I allow my life to have as a false sense of security. I drift because riding against the tide is too much effort. And too much effort is exactly what I’m scared of putting in, lest it fails. An innate sense of failure, wooed on by a strong love for laziness is what makes my life so illusionistically secure. In truth, I have tried nothing, hence failed nothing, and neither have I achieved. I’m not even mediocre, merely inert. And in this state of inertness I accept whatever comes to me and teach my mind that I am happy because this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. This is where I was led by my actions. Well, that is indeed complete BS since there HAS been no action until now.. so there has been no leading to places. I have a brilliant philosophy in life that is wholly misread and conveniently misused by me. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be in the place where I am. Perhaps someone else has worked at it. Nope. The previous sentence was absolute crap. I never wonder. That’s how I am. Carefree, careless/ insen sitive and selfish. MY mother has tons of complaints hurled at me at the rate of 2 complaints per hour. I do not think they are unjust complaints. I perhaps ought to just leave. That is all I can do now. Relieve my mom of the pain in the ass that I am. And relieve myself of the constant criticism. I’ll be out on my own. I’ll either make it or break it. Either way, it’ll be my responsibility on myself alone.
Alone is the only way to be in the end.
Alone is all you can do.
