The low point of my day has been, however, very unexpected and almost heartwrenchingly sad. For me, that is. I was probably sitting in my own little bubble of a perfect world thinking communalism was all but extinct amongst the urban youth of India. Today, when I got a taste of it myself, it made bile rise in my throat. I didn't imagine I would have to face it so close at hand. I was disgusted, disappointed, shocked; hell, I almost felt betrayed!
I do feel betrayed.We were supposed to go to my friend's "Kali Puja" today. It's this worshipping ritual conducted on a new moon night to the hindu goddess of.. something(?).. [google it..I, for one don't care] Well, a whole bunch of us were invited from my theatre group but the number was down to just two of us- Arham (name changed) and I. The place we had to reach was a little far away from home, and mom didn't really trust me to get there alone so we were going to go together.
Well, that is until my friend called.. and told me this: " Hey, Arham toh won't be coming." I enquired for the reason for such catastrophy ( for me, again, as without him mom wouldn't let me go over her dead body). And this was his blindingly shocking reply, "Well, my friends are over.. And they would really rag Arham. I wouldn't want him to get insulted". It took me a second to recognize his words. You see, this other group of friends being referred to are a bunch of condescending, communal, discriminating brats! ( Or that's my opinion of them, after this episode) And Arham is a muslim. No secret has been made of the discord between hindus and muslims in this country. I've been brought up in a very secular background and such divide has never made any sense to me at all. Most of the people I hang around with also share my opinion. So does Ano (the friend who's Kali puja we were all going to). I understand that people have the right to have their own opinions and if people hold discriminative opinions, that's none of my fucking business. But it pisses me off when these people can't keep their dumbfuck opinions to themselves and not hinder in any other individual's space. I couldn't believe that Ano would actually call and uninvite Arham for such stupidity! What kind of friends were these, and what sort of illiterate families did they belong to?! When I told my mother about this, she had tears in her eyes. I was obviously not going anymore, but truthfully, I wouldn't then, even if I could. Just this morning Ano had told me that Arham had wanted to stay over and he wouldn't have that. It had felt a little strange then, because Ano and Arham were actually really good friends. But when I was told that Arham was no longer invited because Ano didn't have the balls to handle his friends and his friends didn't have a basic sense of civility and tolerance, I was so bewildered that I couldn't respond immediately. It was an inconceivable idea. It was a disgusting idea. It was and still is repulsive. In that moment I was ashamed to acknowledge Ano as my friend. I thought him spineless, a guy who would never stand his ground. An incorrigible hypocrite.
I couldn't have kept those thoughts to me. I told Ano exactly what I thought of him and his friends. Naturally, he began defending himself. It's always like that with him, he always runs to defend himself. Sometimes even before understanding whether it's needed or not. It's like this deep seated insecurity that keeps telling him that everything he does is just wrong. Maybe that's why he couldn't counter his friends' bullshit if things came to that? Maybe that's why he'd rather avoid it? I ruined his evening. He was obviously feeling very guilty about it already. Having been reprimanded by one of his closest people he's now feeling even worse. Makes me think, am I just not like them? Did I also not jump to conclusions without giving his situation a second thought? Is hypocrisy so abundant in me, too? Was I not equally arrogant with my opinions and intolerant of his situation? I am sorry I brought it up with him now, should'av saved it for later. Damn.
I couldn't have kept those thoughts to me. I told Ano exactly what I thought of him and his friends. Naturally, he began defending himself. It's always like that with him, he always runs to defend himself. Sometimes even before understanding whether it's needed or not. It's like this deep seated insecurity that keeps telling him that everything he does is just wrong. Maybe that's why he couldn't counter his friends' bullshit if things came to that? Maybe that's why he'd rather avoid it? I ruined his evening. He was obviously feeling very guilty about it already. Having been reprimanded by one of his closest people he's now feeling even worse. Makes me think, am I just not like them? Did I also not jump to conclusions without giving his situation a second thought? Is hypocrisy so abundant in me, too? Was I not equally arrogant with my opinions and intolerant of his situation? I am sorry I brought it up with him now, should'av saved it for later. Damn.
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