Well, it isn't bothering me yet because I haven't seriously thought upon it, but really.. What happens once Alex is gone. God knows I can't keep up the phone calls, not even with bestest of friends... And I'm so used to being around him.. His presence is the most natural thing- like it was meant to be. Life took me through so many different paths just to cross paths with Alex. And god knows I'm thankful.. But why must a young relationship stand the test of time so soon. It hasn't been an easy ride for him, he was much too suddenly dragged away from the relatively carefree and virtually responsible life he led. Having been pulled to the ground with a castle half built in air, Alex doesn't really know which world he belongs to- the real, where he must do what is necessary in order to make everyone happy and the magnificent, where Alex fulfils his dreams and lives for himself. Whether or not he'll be able to juggle both will only be seen in time, but what I ponder upon is that in neither of these lives do I figure too strongly. There is one place I DO figure strongly though. The place is 'now'. That is precisely why I'm so afraid to let it go..Keeping everything for later so later doesn't have to come.. And Alex does everything for the later that is soon to become the present. I appreciate that, and genuinely hopes Alex gets all he wants, and perhaps more! But once his present changes, I don't know where I'll figure in it. I wonder which is more difficult, to fade away from his mind, or to forcibly pull away. The second option is perhaps cowardly.. Or maybe they both are. Maybe I carry it on in the hope that the inevitable MIGHT just not happen, I might JUST be the exceptional case with the happy 'now'.. And with this hope I carry on, with much caution, however. Once burnt, twice shy, eh?
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